Any parent of 4th to 6th graders know this is perhaps the most formative time of a child’s development. They begin to have their own sense of where they belong in the world and they have begun to learn more about the value of friendships, relationships and even the opposite sex. They also are more prone to peer pressure, particularly when exposed to activities that may conflict with the things their parents taught them.
This isn’t the time to let your child run on autopilot. And it’s definitely not the time to become omnipotent in your attitude toward their activities, interests, views or choice of friends. If you are able to communicate without sounding judgmental, you may find that your child is more willing to listen to you than they’re willing to admit.
Below are some guidelines that should help you stay connected to your child during these critical years:
- If you’ve been consistent over the years enforcing the rules, your child will be less likely to try to test the waters as preteens. This is definitely not the time to change your discipline strategies. Research clearly shows that kids are far less likely to try tobacco products if parents have always had clear rules in place as well as consequences.
- Find time when you and your child are relaxing and have an open discussion about tobacco, as well as alcohol and drugs. Do a little role-playing with your child so they know how to get out of a situation that is uncomfortable to them. This will help them deal with the inevitable peer pressure. Let them know that it’s O.K. if they end friendships with friends who pressure them to try things they know they shouldn’t be doing. Use the opportunity to teach good decision making skills rather than preaching to them. They’re more likely to listen to you if you listen to them.
- Build up your child’s self-esteem whenever possible. Puberty is never fun for any child and yours will have bouts of self-doubt and low esteem every now and then. Lots of positive comments about his or her special talents and importance in the family can help quell feelings of insecurity. Plus, it can help keep your child from being unduly influenced by peers.
- Stick with the facts. Don’t use fear tactics to convince your kids they shouldn’t do something. Opinions are easy to argue with; facts aren’t. Don’t steer your child toward the outcome you want. Let them be guided by the facts as well as by your love and support. The quickest way to get a preteen to do something is to forbid it.
- Pay attention to your child’s network of friends as well as their parents. A sudden change in their circle of friends can signal a change in behavior, such as trying tobacco or something even worse, such as alcohol or drugs. Don’t minimize tobacco use. It can be a gateway to other substances.
- Ask your kids what they know about tobacco and its effects. If they are concerned about their appearance, talk about how tobacco use affects their health and looks. If someone in your family is battling or has battled cancer or has ill health due to tobacco use, include it in the conversation. Let them know that their favorite uncle or grandparent was a habitual user and died from tobacco use. Again, stick with the facts. They are enough. Preaching to a child will get you nowhere fast.
- As you watch television or movies, be sure to separate fact from fiction. Smoking and tobacco use is usually shown as being glamorous and sophisticated. Use these times to show the other side – the toll it takes on your health, your appearance, the dangers of addiction, etc. In today’s society, children often have difficulty telling the difference between what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is your opportunity to help them learn the difference.