These days, young teens are so anxious to grow up. They want to mimic many adult behaviors, but still don’t have the maturity or experience to always make the right decision. They desperately seek approval, particularly from their peers. But that’s not to say they still don’t rely on their parents for advice and reassurance.
Decisions made at this stage of life can have a lasting impact on their young lives, so it is important to stay involved and engaged in your young teen’s life. It is, perhaps, the period when they are most likely to experiment, whether it’s sex, alcohol, drugs or tobacco. Even if your kids seem to blow off your advice and challenge your rules, they still want and need them.
- Establish rules and put consequences in place if they’re broken. This includes a no-use policy on drugs, alcohol and tobacco. If you’ve already had rules in place since the child was little, they’ll respect the boundaries. If you haven’t had rules with consequences until now, you’ll have an uphill battle on your hands. And if you do have rules, never cut a deal or not enforce the punishment. This not only sends a conflicting message to your teen, but also opens the floodgates to future rule breaking.
- Continue to communicate openly with your son or daughter. Let them know how you feel about them and how they are conducting their life. It’s fine to be excited about a good report card or a starting position on the team, but it’s far more important to give your teen positive reinforcement about their life in general, not just their accomplishments.
- Involve yourself in your teen’s daily life. You don’t want to poke and prod about every little thing. But at this stage of life, your child will have lots of ups and downs. Ask questions, offer support and just be a shoulder to cry on now and then. This will help you maintain trust and keep lines of communication open. Teens are going through a lot these days, but a lot of it is things/issues you had to deal with as well.
- Don’t let the school be the parent. Programs dealing with sex, drugs, smoking and alcohol in school are fine, but nothing replaces a parent’s advice and counsel. Again, stick with the facts, not scare tactics. The facts are scary enough. Tobacco discolors your teeth, makes your hair smell, gives you bad breath and impairs your health. Cancer is the real threat, but your teen probably doesn’t think much about the long term. Don’t forget to talk about the cost, too. A couple years of smoking translates into a trip during spring break or even a car. Use tangible things that appeal to your teen to explain the high cost of tobacco use.